Polygamy

Monday morning I will officially be working in academia.

Wow. Just, wow. I've been underemployed for so long I thought for sure that degree was a total waste. Between working my last day in a place I've been 3.5 years and dealing with a silly Englishman, it has been an emotional week.

I don't think it's fully going to sink in until I show up for work. It still hasn't sunk in that I won't be seeing all my work mates in a couple of days. Granted I'm working for the same organization but this is still a huge change. It'll be a huge change in my paycheck, a huge change in hours (days!) and a huge increase in prestige.

So the job thing is coming together but the romantic stuff is in shambles. I don't want to be one of those women.

The thing is I really do not want a relationship. I don't have it in me at this time in my life. I wouldn't mind having something extremely casual but that would be the extent of it. I have too much on my plate to be a good partner to anyone else and honestly, I kind of like being alone. I haven't met anyone that I would even consider bringing around my kids as anything more than a friend. I don't think my son is ready to share me yet, anyway. My daughter seems to be ok with the idea of me having a boyfriend as long as she feels like her opinion matters. She's probably more ok with the idea than I am.

The men I meet all want to fall in love, fast and furiously, with some ideal they have created in their pea brains. They don't want to take the time to get to really know someone. It's instant LOVE (lust) and sparks and fireworks and OMGWEAREGOINGTOBETOGETHERFOREVERSHEISMYSOULMATE. I keep people at arm's length until I'm damn good and ready. Love for me is a slow, drawn-out process that sometimes resembles walking through a minefield. If I can go this huge distance with you without getting parts of me blasted off, then I may decide I really am in love with you. I don't fall in love because we both like Lebanese cuisine and agree that politicians suck. Think, boys. Think!

I've often wondered if Big Love doesn't have it right. Maybe consensual polygamy really is good for women. Maybe it's good for men. They can't seem to fully function when they're stuck with just one woman and, frankly, I get sick of anyone I have to see all the time. If I could send him to a sister wife to give me some time to be an individual, well, that sounds pretty awesome.

I don't think I could ever be a Mormon, however. As appealing as some aspects of the church are, I really believe Joseph Smith was a pervert and a con artist. I wish I could buy it. As a general rule I like Mormons and feel their beliefs are quite otimistic and comforting, albiet false. I'm well aware that the modern day LDS church says polygamy in this world is a big no no. Their polygamist roots cannot be denied, however. Many of the practicing polygamists in the United States today are part of some LDS splinter group.

A lot of people seem to think such an arrangement means that all parties are bisexual or somehow sexually deviant. When I ponder polygamy, I envision a scenario exactly like that on Big Love; not a sexual free for all.